I don’t want to be sexist but I think this statement is true: Most women can relate and or understand the fact that our relationship with our hair dresser is a complex one. Plainly put, there are things we tell the person cutting/coloring our locks that we would not share with anyone, perhaps not always but…enough to make it a thing in movies and books.
Confession: I have a serious track record for discarding friends(were talking at least 10 girlfriends!) a handful are people that I look back at and feel content having walked away from but others I think I simply just did not want to discuss issues, open up, be truthful about my feelings or what expectations I had for that friendship. I have grown in this department but I still struggle and I now wonder, as I uncover so many childhood traumas and teachings, if my Mothers same attitude about friendships formed this foundation; she would seriously tell me “well just stop talking to her if you don’t like that she does that”.
Desiree was lovely, I walked in off the street with semi orange hair and asked who was ‘good with blondes’ and this spicy little Latino cuteness popped her heard up from behind the counter and said “OH ME!” she was so excited for the project. I was sold instantly, she really did change my hair and I will go as far as saying that she changed my soul over a few appointments and happy hours/dinners. I really was thrilled and I spoke openly about my dislikes and we navigated through a friendship as I never have, when I started hearing about her boyfriend at the time, I kept quiet, I am not one to judge or give advice but I really felt like he was not a nice guy. Then she married him..I think it had only been a few months, I guess the sex was good? Either way it did not take long before I started hearing about big fights and then getting calls to pick her up. Sobbing as she would ask if I could because they had another fight, I think this only happened 3 times, the last time I called 911. She would always call or text me back and say ‘never mind we are talking, don’t come’ when I told her I had called 911 after she called me on FT vid crying and talking to him , saying “are you going to strangle me again?!” I was like, yea I am calling, this piece of shit deserves a nice cell. She was irate, that I had called, she texted ‘oh he will go to jail again for domestic abuse, if you are my friend don’t call, tell them not to come!’ My head almost blew off, WTF why did you marry this guy??!!. I told the operator not to go, because she begged me and they listened.
Things cooled and I called her after a week or so and had what I thought was a loving conversation. She said they had been drinking, she was being dramatic, they are working on things in counseling. I told her I would always come pick her up if she needed, I said I could not promise to not call 911 as it goes against every fiber of my being but she needed to admit to herself that she was in an abusive relationship and she needed to address and not lie to herself about that.
A few weeks later I texted, nothing, I am sure I could have done more, eventually she unfollowed me on insta and….that my friends is how you break up with your hairdresser. It really feels like I am just not meant to have friends. If it is not my ego and or traumas messing it up it’s shit like this. Now I no longer have this amazing light in my life nor the trust that was formed with not just my hair but my heart. I have had many hair dressers and I don’t believe that mix of us can be duplicated. I will always miss her, but I also do not think I want someone who has that in their life, bringing me into the abuse potentially, I mean I still get stressed thinking about picking her up and him coming out of the house to protest. I know one women who bravely escaped and evaded her abusive husband, the stories she has told me both bring me to tears but also make me to proud to know someone who crawled out of the pit like that, I truly hope someday I can see Desiree pull herself out and I can hug my friend and tell her how proud I am.
I have struggled to write this, this is honestly old news in my life, I wondered for months if I should keep calling/texting her, to say and promise that I would always be there and would not call 911….but I just couldn’t. I guess she broke up with me as her client but it feels like I broke it off with her..as a wonderful friend, not just a hairdresser.
-B
