Internal bleeding (also called internal hemorrhage) is a loss of blood that occurs from the vascular system into a body cavity or space. It is a serious medical emergency and the extent of severity depends on bleeding rate and location of the bleeding (e.g. heart, brain, stomach, lungs)
You know those people who have been through the worst, I mean we all have a worst but imagine growing up in a hell that you’ve only seen in movies and or read in books; tragedy, abuse.. physical, emotional, verbal and or sexual abuse. Imagine telling your own father at 16, as he is ready to whip you again with his belt, somehow finding the courage to grab the belt, pull him in close and say ‘you can do that again but know this, you have to sleep sometime’. Apparently, that was the last day he ever touched her.
Grandparents, well for me there has only ever been one set, my fathers. My Mom’s parents, as previously mentioned, are now and never have been my grandparents. They were horrible and or sad shitty people and as the story goes, some of my Mom’s siblings followed the same road, abuse, self loathing, addiction and or of course the main family staple..marrying for money. Why on earth would you want to be basically be held captive by needing someone financially, go out and get it yourself..oh that’s right, because you grew up in a seriously abusive family you feel have no self worth and you cannot go out and attain this and so many other things as some do.
My Mother on the other hand and we all have faults and I mean she is seriously guarded, she feels if you fight you don’t need to discuss things; why are fighting or what the core issue is, why do I feel this way? Why does he say this and then I say this? Being self analytical is something that it seems her generation just doesn’t do; she tells me I need to ‘give her a miss’ when I fight with friends and although she’s right sometimes, this comes from her desire and or aptitude to run ‘when the going gets tough’ because as you can imagine, as a child and you can feel hurt, you’re going to be hurt, you’ve been hurt, it will happen again, the helplessness as a child to have no other choice than to stay, what other alternative and to know and be cognizant that this is the best option as bad as it is…..I just cannot imagine, it breaks my heart…This woman, came out clean though, as I have told so many others, it is possible to…as Shawshank Redemption would tell it “Andy Defresne crawled through a river of shit and come out clean on the other side”.
My Mother is dying slowing of heart failure and there is nothing anyone can do, everything is a band aid and she is completely aware and or cognizant of this. She is so wonderful, the kind of person God should spare and help grow to a ripe old age and I am not just saying this because she is my Mom. All she ever does is good deeds for other people and all she ever does in general is live for others, serve others and yet this is who God has chosen to take. She is involved in the little church in their little town, teaching kids the value and or skills of sewing and crafting and she cooks and cleans up for all the functions and does all that and more for my helpless Dad and yes I told her she created that monster.
She calls a minimum of 5 people a day to ‘check in’ and still sends thank you cards, gets on me if I do not, she sends care packages and bakes/cooks for others who suffer and above all she loves so unconditionally and with no gain and or motive. She just does good and believes that after her first heart attack she was sparred to do more good. On her second pace maker now I pray each morning…and that is hard for me..that I just get one more day with her. I feel that I am rambling but overall I feel that we should all be thankful for those in our lives
“life is short but sweet for certain –DMB.
I think in writing this is telling part of her testimony, so many stories could be told, so many stories that shaped her and in me hearing them shaped me but this should suffice…for now.
“The greatest thing, you’ll ever learn, is just to love and be loved in return”
Oh and also….”This too shall pass” as she always says.
Be good to yourself, be good to those who entrust their hearts to you, even if they won’t admit it..
-B
