April 3 2016
They say the 2nd time is the charm, right!? Another night, another room, another occasion to hurt each other. Unlike last time I fought back, grabbing, pulling, pushing…’push me pull you’…
Last time I was scared, balling at the monster he became. How I was able to recover mentally and still love him after that? Only the Devil knows.
The next day, round two. My dried roses decorated the thrown items, broken items, giving the scene an almost poetic aura but still the smell of us picking an prodding, disgusting. Wreaking havoc on each others hearts; I smashed his this time around, fighting as I’ve never done before. When I smashed his against the wall and then I look down and see a red smeared hole in my own chest. I look into the mirror, almost smashing myself against it because I hate this new me but I hear Jenny…I hear my lion telling me he has abused me and I fought back this time…all I see is a monster.
I’ve always been a defensive person. Before they leave, I run. Before she can hurt me I tell her I don’t want to see her face ever again. Such a defensive monster am I…wearing sheep’s clothing. “Smile pretty, you vain prick” -Constantine… “A nightmare dressed like a day dream” –T.S.
-B
