There is something surreal that comes when you’ve found the one, like all the mistakes, all the hurt and all the bitterness in the world is gone, and all that’s left is the perfection of imperfection –Me
2/5/11
Is ignorance bliss? I don’t know what to write other than that because it seems as though all these thoughts that people told me moved them and shook them can only last a few moments before they move out of my head; The boy is working nights and I struggle again with all the thoughts that race and refuse to be tamed, he keeps me tame but is reliance like this healthy? And by reliance I mean the kind that you have on a human being. Di tells me to let go, being reliant on someone else isn’t so bad and yet I always gave the same advice, I guess I just never lived it. Questioning all the friends that have come and gone…did I make the right choices, did I get angry about the right thing, did I believe in someone that I shouldn’t? Trust is so important, that sounds silly, like duh, of course it is but not trusting Jessica was like a splinter, like if I said something honest to her, that she would not use it against me, sometimes I smell my distrust in people, like I have been wronged so many times in life that I choose to just push people out because they pose a possible threat, possible being the operative word….and to date Scott is the only person who remains. Because there is something within me that believes that god meant to bring us together, a feeling, as you may recall from previous entries, is one that I never believed in and not because I don’t believe it’s because I have never believed that I am worthy and yet here I sit in a house that we built with our love and now I dream of a future, what a scary feeling, being all in, I always thought I was an all in type of gal that was always all in but I guess this truly is the first time. 29, and the first time, (I just laughed out loud by the way).
