This a vintage post…February 7th, 2008
Dating is hard enough without bringing the past into a new relationship. In my last serious relationship (and please keep in mind I too ask myself ‘What the hell were you thinking’ as I am sure some of you may after reading this) there were late-night visits from women, knocking on the door. He said she was his best friend’s wife, he was out of town and she needed someone to talk to…again I was nuts. Flowers waiting for us on his doorstep after returning from Valentine’s Day dinner, constant phone calls (he cleared those ones right away), and text messages. I could go on forever. So here I am dating a new boy who is a bit younger but overall seems to be flawless (and I am now good at spotting the red flags, after all, I dated the poster boy for red flags for over a year). So now we have flowers on the doorstep (they were congratulatory….he just signed away his life to the Navy) and drive by’s, and oh his phone blowing up. Unlike my ex he is open about it, he says she is crazy and that he wants to tell me all that happens because he doesn’t want me to have a reason to not trust him. Last night he wrote her an email, he let me read it and I watched him send it away (I didn’t ask, he insisted that he did…although my paranoia wanted to see him hit send). The email said that he has a new relationship, “you need to move on and get over us”, and that if she continued to stalk me online (oh I forgot to mention that she is constantly on my Myspace account) and driving by the house he will get a restraining order.
My question, in case you were wondering if I was just venting, is if you do happen to find a nice boy to date who seems pretty amazing…is the ‘ex-factor’ a deal breaker? How much should a single gal dating have to put up with in a new relationship? I am going to see how this progresses but I have to say I feel like I shouldn’t have to put up with too much more of this, having dealt with it so much in the past.
-B
** Should I update you on this one? I mean I wrote this so long ago but this guy actually came up recently, Tim. He ended up cheating on me with this ‘ex-factor’ – his best friend actually thought I was a nice gal and told me. When I confronted Tim I never told him how I found out, oh I think I lied and said that my brother was at the fight and saw them together – yes some lies are worth it. I had in fact found out that he had cheated on me with not 1 ex but 2 during the short duration of that relationship. I remember him sitting on the couch and saying something like ‘I didn’t know how to end us so I decided to do things to make you end it’, nice huh? I will close by saying two things – he actually married one of the exes, not the crazy one? They are still married and with two kids, yes I checked. I guess it all worked out for the best, I remember meeting her and actually liking her. Lastly, reading these old posts makes me sad for that Becky, I jumped from apartment to apartment, bad situation to worse so many times during this time of my life. I wish I could go back and talk to her, tell her to think before she jumps, that she doesn’t have to settle, there’s more than surviving, to trust her instincts, and above all else: you will be loved the way you deserve someday. Well, I am still waiting for that love, I think I got pretty damn close but I seem to attract infidelity. I’ve seen and have been shown it is possible though and that is something I never knew back then. **
-B, again 😉
