“And his tears fall and burn on the garden green
And so castles made of sand fall in the sea
eventually” -The Jimi Hendrix Experience
Out of the woodwork, they contact me, telling me they too were fooled by the devil. None of them have the years and scars that I do but I still listen. All the promises you made, all the persecution – such disgusting memories now, no longer sitting in the hot steamy memories of us, your forked tongue was tonguing so many while I still lay here celibate, not willing to show myself to anyone, not yet. Doing the work, sober devil thrusters – thrusting the memories of us off the edge of a cliff where all the other women watch me, stalk me, wish they could do the same but they are me, 6 years ago.
Will peeks in, and Christopher Robin tickles my fancy, gone for some time but not in my heart, some people have never left. New friends for a new life and I know she is looking down on me proudly for living a life of purpose, trying to, daily. Australia, Europe, and Ireland are pending and the joy within me, to leave and kiss Seattle goodbye is almost too much to bear.
The tears he cried – they fell, and burned me but now I know we had nothing but lies. The only thing I am guilty of is wondering if I should be with someone else because of the lingering feelings, the deceit had such an odor. I now smell Dior and peonies as I mold and create a new kind of happiness, I feel it all, no longer numbing to survive, I speak and cry to thrive, hoping to be better, walk more intentionally, be sweeter and a more quiet sort of friend for those who have not abandoned me.
-B
