#TBT
Three years ago to be exact..
The savage friend is one not all of us come across in a lifetime. That friend who will defend you no matter what and be by your side like the most loyal of humans. Beware the lioness though, she kills for much deeper reasons than survival.
This friend is a lion, in all ways, she is even a Leo:
“Leo is ruled by the Sun — the center of the universe and the fuel for our being. In much the same way, Leos consider themselves indispensable and the center of the universe, and those who would tell them otherwise had better look out! Lions are outgoing, self-assured and have a tremendous zest for life. So what if the world revolves around them? There are worse role models, for sure. The Lion’s enthusiasm is boundless, and along with that comes generosity of spirit and the determination to succeed. That focus may be construed as vanity and even bossiness at times, but Lions would say ‘No way!’ and continue along their regal path. Regardless of appearance, those born under this sign can be counted on for their loyalty and sense of honor”.
This girl, she roars and roars but I see through it all. I see her weakness, but I see her as a human and I see her for her past and what her past made her, it’s not all pretty but who is. I also see someone who is in fact a lioness and some people just don’t like to be growled at, they like a gentler spirit. That being said, when my ex-boyfriend started to take out his aggression on me she was the first to respond.
I called her and she was ready to take that call Me: “I called the police, can you pick me up”, Her within seconds: “I am on my way”. I sobbed uncontrollably when I recounted it all, she seemed to know already and she stayed on hold even as the police questioned me. When she arrived all she said to them was ‘she is in good hands’ and I knew I was.
I really do struggle to consider myself an abuse victim, I feel like what I went through pales in comparison to most. But as with most abuse victims the aftermath is sometimes the worse; I feel guarded, lacking trust and defensive (and God I thought I was before this!). I tried to move on and let myself be vulnerable with one person, this girl. Sadly, when this lioness of a friend drinks she gets ‘punchy’ both verbally and physically and I have to tell myself that this is because of her past and now my close past causes a chain reaction. ‘Push me pull you’…she hits, and I push and then we both pull to keep together a friendship that potentially isn’t worth pushing away.
Of all the events, mistakes, loves, losses and emotions that have been painted on my soul, the colors this girl painted on my soul wreak of good times, we had many times and she would shout and shout gloriously, with no fear and would shake the core of all she encounters. She stood by me, even when I had to grab her fist before would hit and tell her ‘I am not him, I love you, please do not hurt me’. This friendship vexes me still, spoiler alert, I no longer speak to her, after going through what I did, I just could not hold onto an abusive friend, as sorted as it was. I do not regret my choice, I do think of her almost daily but when I think of calling her something stops me and you should always listen to feelings of hesitance, always.
-B
