While no danger is in sight I had to, a new boundary. The past beckons to me and I cry and suffocate those memories, not now, I just can’t. Giving the love to Jesus and letting him take the wheel is seemingly working, well sometimes. My heart longs but my soul knows the end has come and gone. “Now is the time for guts and guile.” Elizabeth Taylor
Now it’s time to reclaim the life before the trauma, it is referred to as a lost fantasy. Did you know that dissociative amnesia is a symptom of trauma? So that’s how I forgot about the first time, that’s it. I’m not sure what to call remembering his smell, smile, or touch but the flowers at Pike Place, my dog’s wagging tail, and Debussy tease as replacements. Let’s dwell in gratitude, tenacity, healing, patience, and dreams, if you can if you’re brave. Let’s dance in the fire of not knowing, walking away, walking towards, leaning in and out. Let’s build again and choose ourselves, learn to just be rather than doing, lean into the suffering…..for now.
-B
