“I always wanted to love Eve as Denny loved her, but I never had because I was afraid. She was my rain. She was my unpredictable element. She was my fear. But a racer should not be afraid of rain; a racer should embrace the rain. I alone could manifest a change in that which was around me.
That which we manifest is before us. There is no dishonor in losing the race. There is only dishonor in not racing because you are afraid to lose. -the art of racing in the rain – Garth Stein
I am a very powerful force, I have made things happen; it sounds crazy but I have in my own way changed the trajectory of my life and those that have danced within and or around it. ‘Players only love you when they’re playing’ but what if you never know you were in the game, like some enigma or maze in which you are blissfully unaware. Swimming up current through your own trauma and grabbing onto a seemingly steady rock as you go upstream. When in fact that rock is nothing of the sort, it is a parasite of relentless cohesion – once you latch on you may never be rid of it.
‘What have I done’ resonates again; I have been protected, directed, and corrected and I have loved every minute of it but not with him. The sting of his rain has poured nothing but inconsistency and doubt, all the fences I’ve climbed, all the holes I have climbed in and out of – only to be told “it was worse than you ever could have imagined” I think that is how it went.
Philippians 2:12
12 Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed—not only in my presence but now much more in my absence—continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling
-B
