“Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear” -Mark Twain I can think of nothing sadder that being governed by fear. By that I mean, each decision you make and or step you do or do not take is out of fear. Being fearful in a relationship is something I have… Continue reading Fear
Category: love
City Loathing
My life is so chaotic, with all the dog sitting, relationship turmoil, death...and taxes (movie reference, get it?) it’s a wonder the dogs even like me. There is the occasional dog who sleeps away from me, lays away from me, watches me and I wonder if they sense my unrest, my complete abandon for certain… Continue reading City Loathing
Passing On
My Mother died in August. If you follow my blog and or read the one about internal bleeding that was about her, we all knew her sad but beautiful heart would someday fail but I don't think anything could have prepared me. I don't know many girls who have a best friend for their Mother;… Continue reading Passing On
It’s a drinking shame
It's been awhile. I am not sure whether it's the sure nerve and or raw feeling that comes from writing down ones inner most thoughts and or feelings but I struggle these days. All I think about when I write now is, hope, sometimes relief. Hope that someone will read this silly rant or two… Continue reading It’s a drinking shame
Internal Bleeding
Internal bleeding (also called internal hemorrhage) is a loss of blood that occurs from the vascular system into a body cavity or space. It is a serious medical emergency and the extent of severity depends on bleeding rate and location of the bleeding (e.g. heart, brain, stomach, lungs) You know those people who have been… Continue reading Internal Bleeding
Monsters Ball
April 3 2016 They say the 2nd time is the charm, right!? Another night, another room, another occasion to hurt each other. Unlike last time I fought back, grabbing, pulling, pushing…’push me pull you’… Last time I was scared, balling at the monster he became. How I was able to recover mentally and still love… Continue reading Monsters Ball
Birthday Blues
In the light of day the room seemed completely different but the stench of that fight lingered. It’s been almost six months with Kyle. So like and so unlike any other. By far the most transparent relationship and the most passionate I have ever experienced. Here in Panama the winds wail and cry for the… Continue reading Birthday Blues
“Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies”
And sometimes the answer we get is our greatest fear. "When we're headed toward an outcome that's too horrible to face, that's when we go looking for a second opinion. And sometimes, the answer we get just confirms our worst fears. But sometimes, it can shed new light on the problem, make you see it… Continue reading “Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies”
There is no spoon…
The idea of happiness, being happy, content, a deep sigh of 'life is good' is something that escapes me, I have moments of glee or thankfulness but overall I'm not happy. Consistently wanting more, thinking of him...remembering those few and far between happy times. That may be why I have an unhealthy connection to him,… Continue reading There is no spoon…
Surgical Love
"The goal of any surgery is total recovery - to come out better than you were before. Some patients heal quickly and feel immediate relief. For others the healing happens gradually, and it's not until months or even years later that you realize you don't hurt anymore. So the challenge after any surgery is to… Continue reading Surgical Love