Both are under scrutiny. The stench of lies and ego fog any love cloud from forming in such conditions. Starring at countless ceilings, so many blind spots both spiritually, sexually, and emotionally. There was no surrendering, not anymore. I feel crazy thinking of your words and you so freely throw punches as if you think… Continue reading The Heart Break Special
Tag: #trauma
Birthday Blues
1/1/2016... In the light of day the room seemed completely different but the stench of that fight lingered. It's been almost six months with Kyle; So like and yet so unalike each other, by far the most transparent relationship I've ever had. Here in Panama the winds wail and I cry for the past and… Continue reading Birthday Blues
old quotes and looking beyond
I found this journal of my mom's, she kept her own quote book of sorts, I had no idea and sadly and or ironically I have had one that I have filled since I was in my teens. Friends wrote in it, acquaintances, strangers and of course family. I use my quote book so often… Continue reading old quotes and looking beyond
I Am a Rock
When I was a youngin my mother would say this, or at least that is the way I remember it....that and the main verse playing in my head: "I am a rock, I am an island. And a rock feels no painAnd an island never cries" - Simon & Garfunkel As an adult trying like… Continue reading I Am a Rock
Death & Taxes
During this tax season, I find myself hopeful and excited when I perhaps should not be but my naive heart just sees that I get money back each year so never mind what I have lost. On loss, this Saturday my mother would have been 75 years old, I used to be such a wreck… Continue reading Death & Taxes
rêves les plus fous
As sleep, naps and rest elude me I search for ways to rest myself, ways to release the demons, memories of us, memories of her, worries, sorrows, they all create a wall of sorts for me on a daily basis, if I can get through the wall I can be at peace but they join… Continue reading rêves les plus fous
Baby Loves to Run
No longer running from or towards him, addressing past runs and what the consequences have been, so much more than dehydration. The dried flowers, my new running routine, and the echoes of sweet words and sweat are all that remain. "Taught her young, the only things she'd need to carry on, he taught her how… Continue reading Baby Loves to Run
Cease and Desist
While no danger is in sight I had to, a new boundary. The past beckons to me and I cry and suffocate those memories, not now, I just can't. Giving the love to Jesus and letting him take the wheel is seemingly working, well sometimes. My heart longs but my soul knows the end has… Continue reading Cease and Desist
Loving You Had Consequences
I loved you differently. Don't want you back you're just the best I ever had. My spirit is bruised but my tenacity could never be shaken by your betrayals. They say you never lose by loving, I know I've lost something but the fact that I do not know what's missing tells me I am… Continue reading Loving You Had Consequences
burn like never before…
I’ve held something very close for as long as I can remember. Today I let it slip, a secret I did not know that I had, an omission that after I let the words slip past my lips, they seemed trapped inside my little apartment, circling me, bouncing off the walls, and forcing me to… Continue reading burn like never before…